by Christina Nicole
Here are 19 Reasons to Forego Seeing Table 19:
- The trailer is better than the movie.
- The movie poster is better than the actual movie. – The poster leads you to believe you will see an ensemble cast of comedians performing in a wedding movie.
- The trailer says Table 19 could disappear and no one would even notice, which is why it probably won’t have a second week’s run in 99% of the theaters it’s screening in.
- Table 19 is not a long movie, but it feels like a long movie.
- The film is trying too hard. Stephen Merchant’s character is supposed to be the comic relief, but he’s so not funny that you want to punch him in his goofy face.
- Table 19 lacks focus; there’s too much and not enough going on.
- The film is set in Michigan, but it was shot in Georgia.
- It’s unbelievable. – There is no way these characters could be real people.
- If you saw The Five-Year Engagement, you have already suffered enough.
- Watching good actors in terrible movies is bad for your health. – There’s probably research to support this claim somewhere.
- It feels like you are actually at a wedding where you don’t know anyone; it’s awkward and the whole time you’re wondering when you get to go home.
- You sit through an entire wedding reception, but you don’t get cake.
- Craig Robinson’s back hair- You cannot unsee it.
- Lisa Kudrow looks frustratingly depressed the whole time.
- There are other, cheaper ways to be disappointed. – Table 19 is in theaters and it costs money to go to the movie theater. Netflix has tons of movies that may or may not be good that you can watch from your home, without pants.
- It’s not funny.
- Anna Kendrick does some ugly crying.
- The movie goes off on a random, pointless tangent about halfway through.
- Once you waste the time watching the film, you can never get it back; your life is worth more.
1 of 5 stars
